Kerner's Top 10 List
of Rock Clichés

By Kenny Kerner


Kenny Kerner

If you get out to rock concerts on any kind of regular basis, then you've heard them all a hundred times. You've practically memorized them and know exactly where in the set you'll hear them again. They're Rock Clichés, and every rock band uses them. Always. It's part of the very fabric of a rock concert. It's how you know you're AT a rock concert!

So, without further ado, here is my list of To 10 Rock Clichés along with the proper audience response to each of them. Enjoy!

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

Response: No. Actually, I came to have a quiet dinner and watch a movie. Of course I'm ready to rock. Why do you think I paid $250 for these tickets in the last row of the balcony???
I CAN'T HEAR YOU... ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

Response: The band has already run out of things to say and the show just started. Looks like it's gonna be a long night. Turn the volume down, dude, and you'll hear me just fine!
MAKE SOME NOISE!

Response: It isn't noise I came to hear. It's music. Got music?
HELLO ------------------ (FILL IN NAME OF CITY)

Response: Thanks for telling me where I live.

Actually, this one is fun to hear. Even The Boss gets it wrong due to the rigors of touring day after day and completely losing track of what city you're in. Whenever I went out on the road as a manager, I'd always stand at the side of the stage and yell out the name of the city as the band made its way up the stairs to perform. After a while, the monotony of doing the exact same things in the exact same order every day starts to get a little blurry.
YOU GUYS ROCK!

Response: How do they know? And what about the girls? Do girls not rock? I never really liked this one. It just seems to lack imagination.
THANK YOU... G'NIGHT

Response: The lead singer usually shouts this out before the band leaves the stage only to return for another hour's worth of encores. Save the G'NIGHT until you really mean it!
C'MON, EVERYBODY... GET ON YOUR FEET

Response: Oh, really? What makes you think I'm gonna pay all this money for a seat and then stand? And what's the purpose of getting on my feet anyway?
YOU KNOW THE WORDS... LEMME HEAR YOU SING

Response: Let's see if I understand this right … I drive for an hour to get here, buy an expensive ticket, walk up to the balcony, wait 45 minutes for the show to start, and now you want ME to do the singing? I think not.
HERE'S A NEW ONE WE'D LIKE TO PLAY AND IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

Response: It goes something like this? How about rehearsing it some more until you know exactly how it goes?
THIS IS ONE OFF OUR FIRST ALBUM AND WE DON'T USUALLY PLAY IT LIVE...

Response: Any particular reason you don't play it live? Maybe you don't play it well? Maybe it makes a better record than a live song? Maybe you used to play it live but nobody liked it? Too much information here. "Here's one off out first album" is all you need to say.

Well, there you have it. Ten Rock Clichés. Hope you enjoyed both the sarcasm and the humor. So, until next time, ROCK ON!

Kenny Kerner is the author of the best-selling book: Going Pro: Developing A Professional Career in the Music Industry published by Hal Leonard and available at bookstores everywhere.